LARP crack pipes.

So how was your weekend? Suitably heroic i hope? Slew your enemies? traded? politics? and generally had fun? Me? I mainly hid from the general throng of humanity feeling guilty about something while growling at anyone i see. That and i cleaned my Rabbits out…and hovered.

The point is i didn’t go LARPing. Why you might ask? and mind your own bloody business i might reply…but that might be a little weird and would make this a very short blog. I wasn’t LARPing as I was avoiding something you either are or will be going through soon.

Post event blues….withdraw……LARP fear. Shall i share the symptoms? You see LARP is worse than the yummy snack crack. You know you keep going back back to that LARP crack pipe with your cracked lips forgetting about the comedown.  You know how it starts.

The end of the event, you star at your tent and kit, feeling the initial shakes as you realise you have to pack and the only pay off is returning to the real world. Of course there are those that try to stave it off. Still roleplaying even after time in, desperately trying to hold onto  the last vestiges of the event. They can’t of course and as you walk to your car you see them sat buy the side of the road their cloaks wrapped around them staring into the middle distance like shell shocked troops.

broken tent

Of course once you have said goodbye, packed the car and finally left site it doesn’t get any better. You have the traffic jam. The hell of being tired and sitting in traffic.That weight on your eyes as you oxygen starved brain tries to force a car to go in a straight line.

So your home and looking at the car, then your front door and then the mass of crap in your car. If your lucky you have tomorrow off to empty it., But today we will assume you don’t. So you start hauling stuff in and dumping it in the house, knowing that it will take you at least a week to put it all away.

Of course now your home your gonna wanna shower, so you walk up stairs to look in the mirror, mistake. Just get in the shower. Your make up is so smeared that you look like and unconvincing transvestite that’s just gone twenty rounds with Tyson.

So you have showered, had a cup of tea. Then you notice how quite your house is, the temperature feels weird and the sounds out side are alien. You haven’t hit the blues yet, but you kinda want to be back there. It’s ok you can get on facebook…..

Now as an internet whore and generally loving the fact i can write any old crap for people to read so this is not a complaint about some of the things posted on facebook, quite the contrary, how would Pel survive with out people to rage at?

You froth and froth until you return to work and then your not frothing anymore. If your lucky you have LARP mates local to you to talk to, if not you have facebook, or your normal friends until they start purposely changing conversations so you shut up.

So to the web, the veiwing of the photos, can i ask about that. Could someone, please take a photo of me where i don’t look fat or look like i am desperately constipated. Thank you. The tagging of each other and the chatting, followed by the eventual hatred and loathing for each other that the internet breeds. Then we start asking about DT jonesing for some small fix, discuss cool things for the next event three months away.

Yep about a week after your itching and scratching at those imaginary LARP ants under your skin. I’m not even going to mention that first 24 hours where you sear blind that you just caught an Orc out of the corner of your eye at the cheese counter as your brain starts to adjust to the real world.

So that’s why I didn’t LARP this weekend. It has nothing to with a fear of the north of England and it’s cannibal population. I’ve seen that documentary documentary Doomsday and your not telling me Wigan isn’t in Scotland.

The problem is no matter how many froth meets you go to, no matter how many posts you right you are never going to scratch that itch. Sure you have table top, the methadone of LARP or your maybe a linear to go do, but it’s not the same. It’s not a living breathing community. So i have had an Idea, either Lawrence or Matt can have this for free. We start a LARP town where you can live forever. Yep you earn IC money to spend on food and drink, obviously you would need a full time job as you are living in this society and there arn’t really any monsters to slay. Also obviously you couldn’t break character, ever . So no going to the shops or doctors. I mean to help with that immersion we will charge you all of your money, but you get to play your character forever. Of course we would have to gate of the LARP town so that no one walking a dog spoiled the fun and you can’t leave as there is no time out. Obviously we would have full time refs paid for from the sale of your home, but we would also have volunteer refs, chosen from the players that were the most in character and they could earn the right to have tv privileges, chocolate or some time on face book to upload some photos of how much fun everyone is having. We wont need monsters as lets face it you don’t get monsters in town. Now LARP town of course would be self catering, so you would have to grow your own food, but obviously to stop cheating each potato for example would have to have a lammie to prove it existed. I genuinely think LARP town has potential, we could do it in one of those places in eastern Europe which no ones using due to silly health and safety rules. This has kickstarter written all over it. As to the genre? Hmm fantasy is ok, but i think some sort of steam punk/dystopia would fit with the eastern European architecture we will be using, and of course the smell after the first month. Don’t worry about the smell it’s immersion. If anyone cheats or disagrees with a ref they can be ‘carded’…..

What of those who cannot afford this luxury LARP ‘utopia’? Well they can monster of course! In monstering they can earn money off living there, obviously they still need to pay for room and board, but i’m sure they will be able to afford to move in eventually.

larp town

That would solve the post event blues…never coming back, constantly sewing up your fraying kit and complaining that your character concept didn’t involve blowjobs for ic cash to feed yourself while an uncaring of the senior radio operator watches on with cold eyes from her post at the razor wire fencing writing notes in her book.

This my friends is the future of LARP self contained fun in a post cold war facility and i for one welcome it if i never have to pack another bloody car in the rain again.

****Quick public service announcement – Paul Wilder has organised a froth meet at the Ham and Blackbird pub in Farnborough at 19:00 on the 19th for Empire. Also I will be writing two only blogs a week as i’m slack and very lazy, that is all. You can go back to slowly rotting in front of your computers wondering why your life ended up like this – announcement over****

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One Response to LARP crack pipes.

  1. Pingback: Crowdfunding Spotlight: Michael Baird’s Folklore Monster Puppets Kickstarter | The Grinning Skull

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