Psalm 1 Entitlement.

Children of the church of LARP I stand before you in my pulpit of hypocrisy most high to shout out today’s lesson with fire and brimstone.

You are not entitled…no…sir, you are not. For there in lays a path to hell most foul, full of brimstone, pitchforks and discussions of historical accuracy in games about elves and dwarves.

Much like Veruca Salt demanding a chicken that lays golden eggs, you must be sent down the chute where all rotten eggs go before you start to claim Mr Martin owes you a book or that they change the ending of Mass Effect to fit your vision for it.

Can I get a hallelujah? Or at least a very tiny fuck yeah?

Now I’m not talking about basic human rights here…oh no, not that. Respect and equality are not entitlement, no those my faithful are as my Grandfather used to say ‘What should be’. They are non-negotiable in the 21st century.

No this is what I will in fact dub as LARP moaning….oh yes faithful. This makes first world problems look like real issues.

What do I mean? Oh you know the phrases ‘You’re spoiling my immersion’; ‘You’re not on brief’, ‘But it’s in character for me to have it’ and the all time fav of mine ‘you’re not playing it right’.

Have you noticed how the great serpent has become more cunning? Dressing up ‘It’s not fair’ and ‘where’s my ming?’ in socially acceptable buzz words? Oh it’s a tricky we beast that one. It uses down time to validate in game actions and whispers dark words of ‘meta’ ‘my’ and ‘me’ in the ears of the faithfully, turning them into self entitled minions doing its dark work of yogurt weaving.

Well no more I will stare into this abyss and bring you the holy word pluck from my own orifice to sent this evil back to the twin self entitled hells of xfactor wannabe’s and fake celebrity.

  1. You are entitled to be treated with respect out of character.

As one of my students put it ‘You should treat people, whoever they are, how you want to be treated’. You are a human; that should be about as far as labels go. That said do not listen to the words of the serpent and believe that people can’t be mean in character.

  1. You are entitled to non biased, polite and non sneering game team.

Yep the days of sucking off Bony for lammies are dead. You don’t have to put up with rude refs and being treated like a second class citizen. Damn well complain (and get a goddamn name, ‘Someref’ isn’t actually a helpful thing.). This does not entitle you to moan it’s not fair every five seconds when things aren’t going your way, complain constantly till you get your own way or use refs in shitty meta games to win at make believe or use ooc stuff to settle ic grudge matches…oh yes people know who pull that shit.

  1. You are entitled to vote with your feet.

If you don’t like it don’t do it. I love that someone was actually brave enough to say his game wasn’t for everyone. See a game designer doesn’t have to whore their creative vision for you. You don’t have to play if you don’t like it. You do not have the right to turn a game into what you want to play, because you stamp your feet to get what you want. People have the right to keep the creative integrity of their project be that LARP or Mass Effect for that matter (I think I may just become the most hated person on earth for that…). Genuinely listened to a conversation at a game where some people slagged of a group for not being on brief. What these self proclaimed LARP police had missed was the people they were slagging off had been part of the group that had written the damned brief. Trust me when I say those people were named and shamed and much laughing was done at their behaviour. Was that you and you’re offended? Well maybe next time you will be a little less arrogant and offensive about someone’s hard creative work you have decided to co opt for your passive aggressive shit stirring eh?

  1. You are entitled to your opinion.

And just like you don’t have to read this, I don’t have to listen to your opinion. I will because let’s face it that’s how a civilized society works, however it is your opinion and I have the right to keep my own and disagree….politely. Unless it’s the internet obviously, then you get to be all sorts of unpleasant with no consequences for you actions or behaviour right? Wrong. it’s one thing to talk crap on the web, it’s very different to threaten people, brow beat them and generally not bother with mutual respect. Especially when it comes to stupid bloody make believe fun time games (See my article in Abort Retry Flail on why gamergaters need to burn.).

  1. You are entitled to play your vision of your character.

This does not entitle you to ruin a game with pvp sprees ‘cause bob the barbarian would and it’s in character’, play a pixie in a hard sci-fi game, come up with stupid fucking powers cause you wrote it in your background, spoil games, drag your ooc discriminations into the game or bully people for ANY reason. I think we can all be grownups eh? Well no, but at least we can attempt to pretend eh?

  1. To be critical of your own kit standards.

Nuff said I think eh? Start slagging off other peoples kit and there is a special place in hell for you. One where your only form of communication is with the LARP community and its all done by facebook. Well unless someone turns up to a high fantasy event dressed as Pikuchu or a tiger onesie, then crack on my friend, crack on.

These simple commandments should banish self entitled bullshit from your lives. Cast the serpent to one side and walk in the light of righteousness. Maybe Children of LARP i see a future where people get on, they don’t use the hobby to justify their bullshit and someone finally makes a movie out of Zenith.

Failing that I’ll settle for some adult conversation about pixies and Norseman Chronicles at the end of the month.

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