Creators and writers are monsters. No really, they are.
I mean real monsters, horrific creatures that see ideas like creative integrity, we should burn them in the center of the village.
The utter monsters. I mean how dare they? Someone should take them to task.
I mean Star Wars would be better with gray Jedi, fuck Disney and Lucas. I like gray Jedi so they should be a thing, they sing to my beautiful and unique soul. I’d buy the merch.
And Yoda on a pogo stick wouldn’t Casablanca be better if Bogart got the girl? Bloody writers with their down beat attitude. I mean a song and dance routine wouldn’t go amiss would it? Think of the soundtrack sales? Think of the mass market appeal if we try and please everyone? I mean we could add some zombies and more explosions, everyone likes those.
And bloody hell why won’t my favourite Larp let me play an elf? I mean they might not be in the system, but they should be, everyone likes elves don’t they? I mean even if they don’t fit thematically in this game I should be able to play one! Oh and the creator is a wanker for not letting me, i think i may have to discuss how awful the creator is online. We need professionals running the thing, that’s for sure.
So lets look at some companies and maybe there would be some better people to run the games I like? I mean there are loads of companies out there right? I mean I could talk about our latest gate instead, but even I know when in the countryside you should always close a gate unless sheep escape. I’d rather spend my time and find someone to take over from these liberal creatives. It’s time to make Lrp great again.
So lets start with Games Workshop, they would be perfect to run a lrp surely?
There would be total rules overhauls every year, the rules would be sold by class or power level and the power creep would be insane resulting in resets constantly (or not, cause you know sometimes you have to go after that power gamer dollar, it’s a hot dollar right now…can we get FnP as a rule into a lrp please?). I mean you want Games Workshop to run lrp right? At least they would make lrp kit and weapons, probably with the lammies attached and rewrite the rules to sell you new kit each year…
Or how about Blizzard. You get one set of clothes only, if you want to change you can pay money for a more outfits. Also they will also insist you can only walk, if you want to go faster they will sell you a quadbike. Obviously there would only be new plot every four years, but its ok its all engaging enough to keep you coming back, right? I mean its not like it matters that the armor is gender based is it? I don’t mind a breezy midrift.
CCP could take it over….scratch that, they would insist that you used real weapons and actually killed each other and even if they didn’t you would have to set fire to your kit every time you died. That’s a terrible idea (well…..maybe….).
Of course we could get someone more official to run our lrps, we have a government that could do it for us, cause sanctioned and mandated fun is good. Obviously when a new rule came in no ref would be willing to say how or what they are. All we would know is there would be a ‘Hard rule change’ and it would be a British rule change and that ‘Rules change means rule change’ with zero substance…
Maybe not then…..How about Chris Roberts, like that guy has pedigree! You would pay a lot of money up front, buy concept art of what your character class would be, it be unlikely to ever run and they only thing you can do is hit other players in the face in an encounter tent.
Yeah these are terrible ideas you are right, I guess we need to bring in the big guns…… Well I hear Electronic Arts might work on a lrp, who doesn’t like gated off content and micro transactions…..Want to get of gate guard duty early and go on a quest? It’s only £1.50 and you can always buy xp to make sure you are the right level for that quest.
Maybe these are terrible ideas, but right now I’m working on a series of character class books and adventures you can buy….I mean who actually needs a vision and creativity as long as you can make money.